Over the last year, I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time studying modern dating by living it.
I’ve joined more dating apps than I can easily count, reviewed over 10,000 profiles, had hundreds of conversations, dozens of video calls, and more first dates than I ever expected. Along the way, I started noticing patterns: why some conversations instantly die, why some people seem impossible to read, why ambiguity can feel worse than rejection, why attraction and compatibility aren’t always the same thing, and why some connections seem to flow effortlessly while others never quite get off the ground.
At first, those observations lived in spreadsheets, screenshots, notes, and late-night conversations. Then a few people encouraged me to start writing them down. So I did.
These aren’t rules or universal truths. They’re simply patterns I’ve noticed while navigating modern dating, relationships, and human behavior. Some are about dating apps. Some are about Facebook groups. Some are about relationships. A few may end up being about life in general.
What I’ve discovered is that many of them come back to the same three questions:
Are they interested? | Are we compatible? | Will they actually engage in the process?
The articles below are best read in order because many build on ideas introduced in earlier entries. Together, they tell the story of what I’ve been learning, questioning, and trying to understand.
Welcome to Dating Field Notes!
Dating Field Notes #1: Why “Hi” Isn’t Working
After hundreds of conversations across 40+ dating platforms, I’ve noticed the same mistake repeated over and over. Learn why generic first messages fail and how to start conversations that actually lead somewhere.
Dating Field Notes #2: Stop Making Me Guess
Your profile shouldn’t require detective work. Learn the key information every dating profile should communicate so compatible people can recognize themselves and mismatches can move on.
Dating Field Notes #3: The Three Questions I’m Always Trying to Answer
Are they interested? Are we compatible? Will they actually engage in the process? The three questions that quietly shape every stage of modern dating and help cut through the endless noise of profiles, messages, and first dates.
Dating Field Notes #4: Why Ambiguity Feels Like Rejection
Some people fear rejection. I fear uncertainty. A personal exploration of why unresolved loops, fuzzy compatibility, and mixed signals can be more difficult to navigate than a direct answer.
Dating Field Notes #5: The Paradox of Choice
The goal isn’t to maximize options. It’s to maximize relevant options. Exploring how filters, compatibility, and the Paradox of Choice can reduce overwhelm and help bring the right people into focus.
Dating Field Notes #6 – What “Childfree” Really Means for Dating Compatibility
Sometimes the biggest incompatibilities in dating aren’t disagreements. They’re assumptions. This field note explores how one misunderstood word completely changed the way I filter for long-term compatibility.
